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My image of men and equivalence: What does this mean?

Problem: some children we do not understand,
we have no emotional/mental access to them
©: S.Kobold - Fotolia

Problem: some children we do not understand, we have no emotional/mental access to them, you see them the wrong way, and we misjudge them. Why?

I will try to explain why this may be.

The cause, why you do not understand and do not have any access to the other person (the student, the group member) is always tightly connected to your image of men.

How do you see yourself?
How do you see the child / young person?
How do you see the world?
What image of men do you hold?

Your image of men will always decide your approach: what you say, what you do, how you react! Your upbringing has shaped your image of men. Any experiences with your parents, teachers, your (early) childhood experiences.

That makes education so difficult. Trying to find a way that fits all, is impossible. That just does not work.

Our image of men is marked by:

Up or down
Good or evil
True or False
Stupid or intelligent
Old or young
Small or large
Rich or poor
Love or hate

Through these experiences, you created an image of men. From this base you

Score
Judge
Condemn
Demarcate
Marginalise

Therefore, while dealing with children and teens, all your actions are moulded by your very own image of men, your upbringing; regardless whether you like that.

However, you also know that every person is unique, an individual, developed into what he is today. No other person has the same experience, thinks or feels just as you do. There are always small differences, and sometimes major ones as well.

It is this uniqueness, this difference, which makes it so hard to understand other people. What can be done learning to understand other people?

By meeting him as an equivalent. It’s that simple.

So what does equivalence mean?

You meet the other on an equal footing
You do not put yourself above him, but you stand next to him
You take him seriously
You take time to an open discussion
You do not interrupt - but you listen
You are not afraid of one another.
Learn to understand each other

How can we achieve equivalence?

By questioning our image of men and critically review our beliefs. In time, we will succeed accepting others as an equivalent. Therefore, we will also learn to understand one another.

Just one note at the end: Within the organization each person takes on a different role (parents, teachers, boss, child, employee,). They all have different tasks or functions. Therefore, they also have different rights, powers and needs. Equivalence does not mean the same as equality. However, that is not to say that you have the right to put yourself above others and demand unconditional obedience. Exercise objectivity whenever there are differences and try to reach a consensus.

Whoever succeeds on an equal footing has an open discussion – where no one tries to be better than the other, equivalence has a chance to take hold. Conclusion: Kids want to be taken seriously, not spoon-fed but also not to being patronized. Depending on how you grew up, you will find it easier or respectively harder to meet others as an equivalent. If you question yourself, review your values and your image of men, let go of viewing yourself as the “none plus ultra”, you will succeed to see others as equivalent. I am convinced; this approach will create a relationship (an access) which ultimately leads to “understanding”.