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What am I worth?

Cast:

Father
Mother
Daughter
Woman
Employee
Specialist

Father:	(Flicks through the newspaper) … Schuhmacher is too old for Formula 1? I can’t believe it. For how many years has he been world champion? Twenty years, I think. That’s how it goes; as soon as you aren’t at the top, they dismiss you. You aren’t worth anything without a cup in the world of sport. What else? David Beckham is going to get a record sum of money. Real Madrid has offered AC Milan a transfer fee about 151 million dollar. They could build 100 houses with the cash. They must be mad! How can somebody like you and I …
Daughter:	David Beckham; a man like you? (Laughs) it would border on a miracle if they paid you 1000 €.
Mother:	Don’t be so cheeky young lady. You are talking with your father.
Daughter:	But it’s true.
Mother:	Change your tone or you can go into your room and stay there all day long. We’ve brought you up for sixteen years and what do we get? Cheeky answers like this.
Father:	It is ok! Perhaps our daughter is right.
Mother:	What do you mean by that? Do you think I would have married you if you were worth less than 1000€?
Father:	No, of course not. I’m sure that I am worth more than 1000€…
Daughter:	How do you know that? You can’t play football, cannot sing or do magic or other things like that. Why should people spend money on you? Things change in time.
Father:	Oh, you think there’s nobody who would spend 1000€ on me?
Daughter:	I told you twice already: Do you have a problem with the fact you are not worth a thousandth of what David Beckham is worth?
Father:	Not even 1000€?
Daughter:	How often should I tell you? Is your hearing going bad? That will sink your value even more.
Father:	What shall we bet?
Daughter:	What?
Father:	I bet, that I’m able to find somebody who will pay 1000€ for me before tomorrow. So please make your bet.
Daughter:	What do you take me for, a fool? Mom could withdraw money from the bank and give it to you.
Father:	No, your mom won’t be part of the bet. So, please place your bet.
Mother:	What for, Heinz? You don’t need to prove yourself.
Father:	So that’s the score. You don’t think that I’m worth 1000€ either?
Mother:	Me? No, of course not! But look, who has got money for a man like… (long pause)… you know. Today everybody has money troubles and they should spend their money on you?
Father:	Yes that’s right, but my value is still the same isn’t it? It doesn’t change even if people have money troubles. I will find somebody else to assess my value.
Daughter:	That’s fine. And I think my bet is not necessary because one thing is for certain: You won’t find anybody.
Father:	(Firm) your bet, please.
Daughter:	If you win the bet; I will clean your car every day for a whole month long.
Father:	Ok, from the inside and outside!
Daughter:	Ok, you have no chance anyway. And I will get 100€ from you if you lose. You can transfer the money into my account now. (The father holds his hand out to his daughter; they shake hands, the daughter rolls her eyes and goes away)
Mother:	Good lord, now you are in the mess! That just won’t work.
Father:	I know what I’m going to do. (Father stands alone on the stage)
Father:	Let’s get started with the search. It would be the best to go to church first, because they really know what human beings are worth. (Asks 2 or 3 people from the audience: they are persuade to say “no”) No success there, but there are still a lot of other people. (Walks around thinking) That’s it! I’ll go to the pawnshop. You give them things and get money for them. And it only depends on the value of the objects (goes to the pawnshop and looks around)
Employee:	Can I help you?
Father:	I want you to assess my value.
Employee:	What, your value? Do you want to know how much you get for your watch?
Father:	No, it might seem odd to you, but what’s your opinion: how much do you think I am worth? What would you pay for me?
Employee:	(Smiles) are you kidding me? Where are the cameras?
Father:	Yes I know it seems odd to you, but take please take it seriously. It is a bet between my daughter and I.
Employee:	(Shakes his head and smiles) and what do you mean by that? Do you want to stay here until somebody takes you off the shelf? Sorry, but that won’t work. Perhaps you have more luck if a specialist checks you.
Father:	Good idea. Bye (goes away) (Goes to a specialist for scientific research on the human body)
Specialist:	So, you want to have a check-up and know what you are made of?
Father:	Right, what I am made of and what I am worth? And I think I am in good hands. From your first impression what’s your prediction? What do you think I am worth?
Specialist:	I would say that most human beings are worth a few Euros.
Father:	What? You’re kidding me. I can’t be worth less than a pack of cigarettes, a pair of socks, a light bulb or even a loaf of bread? But I’m not brainless!
Specialist:	Maybe that’s the case. If you want to check your intellectual value, go to an institute. At the “Albert Einstein” institute you can take an IQ-test which can point out your talents and any above-average abilities.
Father:	Ok, I won’t have any choice. I’ll try it, otherwise I’m going to lose 100€.
Specialist:	What do you mean by that?
Father:	Nothing. Goodbye. (Sign: Albert Einstein Institute, 1000 questions and innumerable tests later…)
Father:	Ok, last question. Finished! I’m keen to see which result I get.
Woman:	Here are the results: You’ve got an IQ of 103, which means that you are average.
Father:	And what does that mean for me personally?
Woman:	There are about 5 million specimens with an IQ of 103.
Father:	And the ability test?
Woman:	Unfortunately it’s the same thing: average. You have no talents or above-average abilities which could be useful for our institute. Rarity is valuable, that’s it. A Ferrari is also more worth than a VW.
Father:	5 million people can be compared with the value of bread? Is that possible? And who determines the value? Or is the value of a human being not measurable with such tests?

Author: Thomas Baberowski